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Family & Friends

An Introduction

If you are reading this, then you may have someone close to you who has been impacted by a difficult birth or postpartum experience, be it a partner, loved one or someone that you care for. It is often hard to understand what they are feeling, and our aim is to provide you with some information and guidance to help you take their hand and walk this journey alongside them.

What is Birth-related Trauma?

The delivery of a baby is a positive event for many parents, but for some, it can be a mixed experience or even very negative, resulting in physical and/or psychological injuries (trauma) with lasting negative impacts on their lives. 

Birth-related trauma can be physical or psychological, or a combination of both. Birth-related trauma impacts mothers, birthing parents, fathers and non-birthing parents.

We have a series of downloadable guides and resources available.

DOWNLOADABLE GUIDES

Psychological Birth Trauma

Birth can be wonderful, but sometimes it is frightening and even traumatic; this is known as Psychological birth-related trauma. Some people think trauma feels like too big a word and that they shouldn’t be traumatised. We want you to know that if your birth experience felt traumatic to you, then it was.

The shock of what happened during the birth experience can bring about a number of mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Some people experience severe emotional distress after a traumatic birth, even though there was no physical trauma. It’s important to know that trauma can continue long after birth, with many people not seeking support for months or even years after. 

The signs and symptoms of psychological trauma may include:
  • Feelings of intense fear, helplessness or horror in reaction to the experience, for example, words, smells, rooms, clinicians, a particular hospital 
  • Fear and anxiety about going outside 
  • Poor self-image 
  • Memories (flashbacks) of the delivery during sexual relations.
  • Trying to push feelings away and just getting on with looking after the baby 
  • Difficulty sleeping or nightmares 
  • Feelings of isolation, irritability, and guilt that may manifest as anxiety or panic attacks 
  • Avoiding reminders of the birth, such as the location where it happened, or becoming stressed or anxious when near the birth location. Triggers like this can show up in different ways.
  • Unemotional, numb or detached from others, activities, or surroundings 
  • Alcohol and drug misuse 
  • Distress caused by physical birth injuries that you may be managing. 
  • You may notice that your partner is having some difficulty bonding with the baby. 
 
Physical Birth Trauma 
Birth injuries or ongoing physical challenges from birth affect 1 in 4 women+ . Physical trauma may or may not be identified immediately, given that it can be hard to describe the symptoms and separate them from what women are told is ‘normal’ after childbirth. Furthermore, obtaining a diagnosis of physical injury can be very difficult and confronting. 
 
The signs and symptoms of physical birth trauma may include:
  • Sweating, shaking, headaches, dizziness, gastrointestinal upsets and chest pains not connected with medical conditions 
  • Continuing pain around the site of the episiotomy or tear in the perineum (between vagina and anus) after birth 
  • Urinary or faecal incontinence (not being able to hold your bowel movements) 
  • Difficulty opening and emptying bowels 
  • Pain or difficulty having sex 
  • Constant lower back pain 
  • Awareness of a bulge or lump at the vaginal opening 
  • A dragging/heavy feeling in the pelvis or a sense that something is ‘falling out’ – this symptom may be increased by standing, lifting, tiredness or at period time
  • Vaginal or pelvic floor muscle laxity (looseness of a limb or muscle).
Family & Friends

Related Links

Downloadable Guides

Support Services

Peer2Peer Support

How can you help?

We have created a guide to assist in your journey to support your loved one. 
 
Check in regularly 
Ask how things are going. She may look okay on the outside, but she can still feel the need to talk. 
 
Encouragement 
Encourage her to check this website and to talk to us if she hasn’t already reached out.
 
Practical Physical Help 
A change in physical capacity can affect day-to-day life, and there may be things she cannot do. It can be beneficial for women to avoid any activities that create downward pressure on the pelvic floor. Strenuous activities such as lifting heavy objects, including lifting a baby or child, are a perfect example. 
 
Be more involved
Provide a home-cooked meal instead of flowers or presents, and help around the house. She may need time and support until she has the knowledge and ability to begin managing her symptoms and moving forward. 
 
Be prepared 
For affected women+ there may be triggers that can cause her to act out of character. For example, a woman sitting comfortably with her tiny, brand new baby may remind your loved one of her own (negative) postpartum experience. Feelings of guilt, not feeling good enough, anger, or sadness can be triggered, and she may just need to remove herself from such a situation. 
 
As a support person, be prepared to quickly leave the coffee shop/park/cafe at a moment’s notice because of these‘triggers’. Giving her time and trying to understand will help. If you are both able to identify the trigger, this may help you prepare for future experiences.
 
Doctor’s Appointments 
It may benefit you both to attend the initial appointments together, so that you both have a full understanding of the seriousness of the physical injuries she may have, the required next steps, and follow-ups. Once you have been given a specialist referral, we recommend finding out more to ensure that they have the experience and expertise you require. Birth trauma is still a relatively new area of focus, and finding the right healthcare professional is an extremely important part of the healing process. If you are unsure, it may also be useful to seek a second opinion. Support your loved one in following professional advice and encourage her to do so. If the doctor says no heavy lifting (such as carrying shopping or putting out the washing), that means no heavy lifting. 
 
Taking care of her 
We have spoken to many women who have been impacted by birth trauma, and you may find the following statements useful in providing insight into their current feelings.
  • A traumatic birth is not something you can plan for.
  • Everyone heals differently. Please give me the time I need
  • I’m not the person that I used to be – the change is as daunting for me as it is for you. 
  • Some days I can be completely emotionless, and other days I am an emotional wreck 
  • Please acknowledge that I need to talk about what happened to me. 
  • There is more to birth than having a healthy baby. 
  • Trauma is real, and the mother needs compassion, kindness and lots of care. 
  • When I say I am not coping, please acknowledge how unfair/daunting/overwhelming the situation is, and ask how you can help. 
  • When you respond with ‘you’re doing so well!’ Or ‘look at how well you’re coping’, you minimise my feelings. Please acknowledge how I feel. 
  • You may hear of someone having a similar experience to my own who wasn’t traumatised by it. That’s okay, we all process things differently. It does not mean that I shouldn’t feel the way I do. 
 
A guide on what to say (and what not to say) 
What she needs to hear:
  • It’s not your fault 
  • Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know
 
What not to say or do:
  • At least you have a healthy baby (any sentence that starts with ‘at least’ is not helpful) 
  • You’ll forget about the birth 
  • Just get on with it 
  • There are a lot of women worse off 
  • You had bad luck 
  • Ignore or dismiss her feelings

Seeking Help

It is important to understand that birth injuries resulting from birth trauma may include damage to the pelvic floor or perineal area and require expert medical advice and assessment, and the effects may continue long after the birth. 
 
It’s a good idea to ensure you know exactly what your loved one went through, especially if you weren’t in the room during your baby’s delivery. Knowing what happened to both the mother and child during the birth is the first step in identifying when something isn’t quite right.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions, but be patient – this can be a difficult process. 
  
Due to the nature and complexity of each persons individual trauma, your loved one will need time, support, understanding and love from those closest to them. Alongside this, you will benefit from the support, guidance and treatment from the right health professionals, including Birth Trauma Australia (formerly Australasian Birth Trauma Association). 
 
We can help connect you and your loved one to a community who have been impacted by birth trauma across social and online platforms.
DOWNLOADABLE GUIDES

Health Professionals

There are many different health professionals who can assist and provide treatment in the management of birth-related trauma. It can be confusing to decide which type of doctor or specialist to see, who to speak to, and who specialises in what. You may find our guide on the types of health professionals associated with both types of birth trauma helpful. Above all, be patient – healing takes time, and working together will make this journey easier for all involved. 

Download the birth trauma care guide

A Message to Partners

Birth partners can also experience trauma from childbirth, and are too often forgotten. Watching someone you love go through a painful birth experience can be extremely difficult. You may feel very confused because you do not understand the nature of your partners’ psychological trauma and/or physical injuries after the birth, or you may have feared for your partner and baby’s well being. It is very important that you take the time to understand your own experience. You may wish to make an appointment with your GP to get help and support. Unfortunately, postnatal depression and anxiety in men is not always diagnosed accurately. Affected couples should seek expert advice from mental health professionals.