Content warning: This birth story discusses trauma. Topics discussed include pre-eclampsia, emergency C-section and mental health struggles. If you are seeking support for your birth trauma, we have downloadable resources here or you can join one of our free Peer2Peer Support programs.
My first pregnancy was pretty unremarkable up until 38 weeks when I developed severe pre-eclampsia and went on to have a category 1 emergency C-section. While my baby was born healthy, I required admission to the intensive care unit where I woke up alone. Although I recovered well physically, my mental health struggled for many months after the birth.
When I became pregnant for a second time it sent my anxiety into overdrive. After meeting with over seven health providers, I found a care provider that was a collaborative practice made up of midwives and obstetricians. I was quite open about how I felt about my first birth and I cannot speak highly enough of the empathetic care and support I had throughout my second pregnancy.
In the 3rd trimester I once again developed gestational hypertension. From 38 weeks on, it felt like a mental challenge. I was so paranoid that gestational hypertension would turn into pre-eclampsia that it got to the point that I was having panic attacks almost daily.
At 39 weeks my husband and I went in for my weekly midwifery appointment. I saw my high blood pressure reading and it sent me into a flood of tears. My midwery team knew that previously I felt really strongly against being induced, but they gently brought up that induction might be something that I’d like to consider. The midwife explained each option and some of the pros/risks of both. I could either choose to be induced, or we could wait and have some additional monitoring. Then she simply said:
“I’ll leave the two of you alone to have a think and chat about it and I’ll pop back in five minutes.”
I talked it over with my husband and we decided that we didn’t feel safe or comfortable continuing the pregnancy any longer, given my blood pressure was continuing to rise. Most importantly, we felt my mental well-being was really being impacted. My midwife came back in and asked what we were thinking. She very confidently said: “That sounds great, I think you’re making the best decision for you.”
During labour, things weren’t progressing as we would have liked. I had not dilated beyond 3cm in over 12 hours and my blood pressure was continuing to rise. Again, my midwife team calmly explained to me my options. I could keep labouring and see how things go, but there were a few things to consider, my rising blood pressure, meconium in the waters, slow dilation, and of course the rare but high-stake risks that are often associated with a VBAC. She gently asked what we thought of having a calm and quiet walk down to theatre for another C-section. Again she left my husband and me in the room for five minutes. We could have some quiet time between the two of us, be together and talk.
When she came back in, I was very emotional. I had decided to have another C-section because I wanted to avoid any chance of a rushed emergency C-section later.
While I sobbed, she held my hand. “I know this isn’t what you hoped for. But we are going down to theatre calmly, I promise you it won’t be like last time. Let’s go meet your baby.”
My second C-section wasn’t anything like my first. It was calm, it wasn’t rushed, and while we were in the theatre my midwife was explaining each step to me to help ease my anxiety. Once my baby was born, I was able do skin-to-skin in theatre and overall it was a beautiful experience.
In the end it wasn’t whether I had another C-section or not that mattered. What made all the difference in having a positive and healing birth experience was that I was given the information I needed. My midwife took time to explain and make sure I understood. I was involved in decision-making. And above all else, I was shown compassion, care and support.
If you’d like to chat to someone about your birth experience and start getting support today, please reach out to one of our friendly Peer2Peer Support Team.
