An Introduction
If you are reading this, then you may have someone close to you who has been impacted by a difficult birth or postpartum experience, be it a partner, loved one or someone that you care for. It is often hard to understand what they are feeling, and our aim is to provide you with some information and guidance to help you take their hand and walk this journey alongside them.
What is birth-related trauma?
The birth of a baby is a positive event for many parents, but for some, it can be a mixed experience or even very negative, resulting in physical and/or psychological injuries (trauma) with lasting negative impacts on their lives.
Birth-related trauma can be physical or psychological, or a combination of both. Birth-related trauma impacts mothers, birthing parents, fathers and non-birthing parents.
We have a series of downloadable guides and resources available.
Downloadable GuidesPsychological Birth Trauma
Birth can be wonderful, but sometimes it is frightening and even traumatic; this is known as Psychological birth-related trauma. Some people think trauma feels like too big a word and that they shouldn’t be traumatised.
Physical Birth Trauma
Birth injuries or ongoing physical challenges from birth affect 1 in 5 women+. Physical birth trauma may or may not be identified immediately, given that it can be hard to describe the symptoms and separate them from what women+ are told is ‘normal’ after childbirth. Furthermore, obtaining a diagnosis of an ongoing physical condition can be very difficult and confronting.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
We have created a guide to assist in your journey to support your loved one.
Check in regularly
Ask how things are going. They may look okay on the outside, but can still feel the need to talk.
Encouragement
Encourage them to check this website and to reach out to us if they haven’t already.
Practical Physical Help
A change in physical capacity can affect day-to-day life, and there may be things they are unable to do. It can be beneficial for women+ to avoid any activities that create downward pressure on the pelvic floor or pressure on caesarean wounds. Strenuous activities such as lifting heavy objects, including lifting a baby or child, are a perfect example.
Be more involved
Provide a home-cooked meal instead of flowers or presents, and help around the house. They may need time and support until they have the knowledge and ability to begin moving forward.
Be prepared
For affected women+, there may be things that remind them of the birth that may cause them to act out of character. For example, sitting comfortably with a tiny, brand new baby may remind your loved one of the (negative) birth experience. Feelings of guilt, not feeling good enough, anger, or sadness can be triggered, and they may just need to remove themselves from such a situation.
As a support person, be prepared to quickly leave the coffee shop/park/cafe at a moment’s notice because of these ‘triggers’. Giving time and space, and trying to understand, will help. If you can help identify the trigger, this may help you prepare for future experiences.
Doctor’s Appointments
For fathers and partners, it may benefit you both to attend the initial appointments together, so that you both have a full understanding of what they are experiencing, the required next steps, and follow-ups. Once you have been given a specialist referral, we recommend finding out more to ensure that they have the experience and expertise you require. Birth-related trauma is still a relatively new area of focus, and finding the right healthcare professional is an extremely important part of the healing process. If you are unsure, it may also be useful to seek a second opinion. Support your loved one in following professional advice and encourage them to do so.
Taking care of them
We have spoken to many women+ who have been impacted by birth-related trauma, and you may find the following statements useful in providing insight into their current feelings.
- A traumatic birth is not something you can plan for.
- Everyone heals differently. Please give the time needed.
- I’m not the person that I used to be – the change is as scary for me as it is for you.
- Some days I can be completely emotionless, and other days I am an emotional wreck.
- Please acknowledge that I need to talk about what happened to me.
- There is more to birth than having a healthy baby.
- Trauma is real, and everyone needs compassion, kindness and lots of care.
- When I say I am not coping, please acknowledge how unfair/daunting/overwhelming the situation is, and ask how you can help.
- When you respond with ‘you’re doing so well!’ Or ‘look at how well you’re coping’, you minimise my feelings. Please acknowledge how I feel.
- You may hear of someone having a similar experience to my own who wasn’t traumatised by it. That’s okay, we all process things differently. It does not mean that I shouldn’t feel the way I do.
A guide on what to say (and what not to say)
What they need to hear:
- It’s not your fault.
- Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know.
What not to say or do:
SEEKING HELP
It is important to understand that if your loved one is experiencing ongoing physical challenges, they may not be comfortable sharing their symptoms with you, but they may require expert medical advice and assessment, and the effects may continue long after the birth.
It’s a good idea to ensure you know exactly what your loved one went through, especially if you weren’t in the room during your baby’s delivery. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, but be patient – this can be a difficult process.
Due to the nature and complexity of each person’s individual experiences, your loved one will need time, support, understanding and love from those closest to them. Alongside this, you will benefit from the support, guidance and treatment from the right health professionals, including Birth Trauma Australia. We can help connect you and your loved one to a community who have been impacted by birth trauma across social and online platforms.
Downloadable Guides
A Message to Fathers and Partners
Partners can also experience trauma from childbirth and are too often forgotten. Watching someone you love go through a painful experience can be extremely difficult.
You may feel very confused because you do not understand what happened during or after the birth, or you may have feared for your partner and baby’s lives. It is very important that you take the time to understand your own experience.
You may wish to make an appointment with your GP to get help and support. Unfortunately, postnatal depression and anxiety in men is not always diagnosed accurately. Affected couples should seek expert advice from mental health professionals.
